she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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