When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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