so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
