ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize