i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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