Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
