i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
