garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
