So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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