Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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