The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
