did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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