I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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