You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
