Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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