literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
