I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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