o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize