somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
