i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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