I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
