He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
