obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
