There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
