Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
