eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
