Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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