We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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