Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
