im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
