If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
