I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
