operation harelip BJ is a go
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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