I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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