Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
