y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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