I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You took a bar mat shot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
