So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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