I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
