We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
