I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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