Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
