thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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