The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
