So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
