I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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