Can i not drive my cunt home
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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