hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize