I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This toilet bowl is my home.
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