Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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