Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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