I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize