Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
