oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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