She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
