I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize