what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
