Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
