Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
