Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
