I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
