Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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