It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
