i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
