I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
