Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
