tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
