Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
