I love having hate sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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