I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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