You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
