I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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