this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
