We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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