And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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