How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
