you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
