his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
