At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
